Twas the month before Christmas, when – hey, what the heck?
Up go lights, decorations – all the holiday dreck!
Just this Thursday, we ate and we offered our thanks,
As next Christmas rolled in like an army of tanks.
All the stores are bedecked, all the streets are bedazzled,
And these holiday songs leave a man well-near frazzled.

What’s an atheist to do at the end of November?
How to kindle his hearth with a warm, godless ember?
Never fear, herded cats! Pour yourselves some eggnog,
Gather round for a godless, great carnival blog.

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C. L. Hanson has Parables – not single, but Double!
With arguments cogent and reasonings supple.

Annastasia’s Pop Quiz merits many a visit,
For she shows how religions share traits multiplicit.

Next we have Common Sense, with a Tort for the Day.
Filled with linkage enough to ensure a “Hooray!”

Evanescent is next, with “Atheist or Anti-Theist?”
If your mind was free before, after this it will be free-est. (sorry)

Next, sit back and partake of a fresh Aquafina,
Reading Musings on Consciousness from Greta Christina

On to Metamagician, authored by Blackford,
Who shows us that Somerville’s nastily backward.

But ho, what is this? More Metamagician!
On Waleed Aly and his unclear position.

Greta again?! Ooh, and this time, she’s rilin’!
Godless is the New Black, and this atheist is stylin’.

Debunking Christianity, through with Jesus and Noah,
Takes on God’s Mighty Plan in Thank God for the Shoah!

Hey there, reader! Still clicking? Still got that blog fever?
Nothing Static’s a Deeply Religious Nonbeliever!

Hey there, Christians! Feel dumpy? Feel sinful? feel crappy?
Radula has atheist kids who are happy!

And the next time a Christian’s not sure what you meant,
Try Ecstathy’s Three-Second-Long Argument.

Wait! Silence your philosophizin’! Cut out the chatter –
Looks like Rickey found Jesus in the buttermilk batter!

And if that ain’t enough, Tremblay might make you tremble,
Exposing “Religious Tolerance” for the censorship it resembles.

But you don’t have a truly great godless anthology
Till you’ve let kcawley voice some Thoughts on Theology

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Well, my rhyming’s all done – it was all such a chore!
Now it’s time to have fun, as I – wait, shit! There’s more!
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For mad skillz in writing, very few can come near
To God and Mammon by the Cents that are Queer.

Alexander the Atheist is asking you, “Doof:
If your faith is so strong, why must you present proof?”

Your moral response may be to retch through your cardia
Reading ExecutedToday on the Child of La Guardia,
With the sordid details of that famous blood libel,
With the death of the Jews, based full well on the Bible.

Evangelists investigated (yay!) by the Senate!
Whited Sepulchre reports, as we laugh at God’s tenets.
But it turns out the investigator might head his own cult.
What will be the endgame? What will be the result?

Then head over to HeadsUp for more news on Perdue,
And the stupid inanities that Gov’nor can spew.
Maybe God’s been partaking too much o’ the bong,
‘Cause it seems he’s been answering prayers all wrong.

Now along comes Mike White, sharing all of his feelings
On Satan, on Paul, and on Devilish Dealings.

Too vanilla for Cowgirl? Not up for Submission?
Greg Laden can bring you some Missionary Positions.

We’re all tired of religion, and mankind ought to doff it.
As You Want It asks: “Why can’t our age have a prophet?”
“Why does God take a backseat in our present day?”
Click your way to the blog, see what he has to say.

Then along came Fernandez, so hot the men were gawkin’,
As she quoted and defended the misquoted Richard Dawkins.

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Sigh. The neighbors next door are now putting up lights.
It’s November! Why couldn’t I live next to Brights?
Why must all this nonsense trot out oh-so-early?
I’m tired of Christmas, it makes me so surly!
Burn the trees! Burn the gifts! Burn those f*cking yule logs,
But whate’er you do, keep on reading these blogs!
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Wenchypoo knows what’s up. Wenchypoo knows the score;
Wenchypoo won’t do holidays, not anymore!

Atheist Revolution, oh, the one who revolves,
Asks why God needs a sacrifice in order to absolve.
Why does God need the blood? Why does God need the brains?
Is God a zombie? Why does he love beastly remains?

On to great Alexander, that atheist whore,
Reporting on Christmas, and the ongoing war.
O’Reilly holds fast and treats his wounds with a poultice,
But we godless are determined in our fight against the solstice.

SkepticsPlay writes with style (while ignoring the nativity)
On the false equivocation between “bad” and negativity.

Switch that light! Stop that task! Drop that fresh bar of soap!
Mark A. Rayner reports on the new RoboPope!

No More Mister Nice Guy reports, and has a fit.
Giuliani employs a pedophile priest – what a shit!

Gadfly searches the web, and check out what he found:
There’s this thing called a Godtube’s been lurking around.

Not to mention yours truly, out of rhymes and of breath,
Blogs on Callahan, Gellar, and Life After Death.

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So my atheist children, do not fret round the trees,
Do not cry in despairing or fall to your knees.
Yes, it seems to be everywhere, this Christmas From Hell,
It empties our pockets – Oh, we know it too well.
But the truth is, combating it isn’t too hard:
Just be on the lookout and be on your guard.
Let’s rev up our minds and let’s exercise reason
In combating the fraud Jesus Christ this lame season.
Most important, be kind, be loving, be warm –
And let your faithlessness guide you through December’s dumb storm.

The 80th edition of Carnival of the Godless will be held at The Jesus Myth.